Darryl's Stress Management Techniques
If Humanity was a kid in the school yard, this Covid ordeal is the bully that's smacked us right in the face repeatedly day after day, week after week and month after month. We're stressed; more so now than any other time in most of our lives, and stressed about so many different things it's hard to fathom just how we can make it through to the next month. While the challenges of this year are seemingly endless, there are ways that you can RIDE these "Waves of Change", instead of sinking, or worse yet, drowning. When it feels like Life has you in a headlock and there is no where to go; consider using any of these time tested techniques to re-calibrate your mental, emotional and physical compass.
Breathe: Not just any breath however, I want you to breathe with your belly "But Darryl, you can't breathe with your belly!" you say. Hush that noise silly goose. When situations arise and we find ourselves tensing up, almost universally you will notice that your belly draws inwards; a natural protection mechanism. Since "stress" doesn't take a day off, it is common place to find people with excess tension that they are completely unaware of, particularly in the belly area. These protection mechanisms may save our lives in the short term, but when we don't know how to turn it off, we not only drain our own energy reserves, but we also keep ourselves stuck in "fight or flight" mode. Try this right now, relax your belly, and take a deep, DEEP inhale through your nose using your diaphragm so that your belly moves horizontally and your chest remains (for the most part) still. Feel that? Good. Now take another breath just like that. Ooooh yea, that feels nice right? Try one more. Do it. Now take stock of your body and see what's changed. At the very least you got yourself out of your head and into your body, even if for just a few breaths. And that my friends is the magic. 1 conscious breath is the shortest meditation you can possibly do. Pat yourself on the back, you got that box checked for the day.
Observe Your Thoughts: For most of us in the so called "First World", our basic needs for survival are more or less covered. Many of us have enough food to eat, enough clean water, enough clothes to wear, a roof over our heads and hopefully some sort of "tribe" that we are a part of. That being said, our stressors are mostly mental. When something gets at you and sets you off, what happens? You will likely notice a never ending stream of thoughts rolling through your mind. You will find yourself working that situation or problem over, and over, and over again in your head. You try to do something, that thought comes back. You find a moment of mental clarity, only to have it return full force and literally suck you out of reality and send you tumbling like a mental gymnast on too much pre-workout. Stop yourself. Observe the thought as a detached witness. See your mind as an entity that is separate yet a part of you. Look at the story you are telling yourself, and see how those rolling thoughts are producing physiological changes in your body. Don't try and change anything, just watch them like you would clouds in the sky.
Is It Relevant? Right now, in this moment, with what you're doing, is that thought process even relevant? If you're in the middle of a meeting, or talking with a friend, or driving, or teaching, or playing with your dog, is that "thing" that's stressing you out relevant RIGHT NOW? I would argue that in many cases, no it's not. So if it's not relevant to what you actually have going on in this exact moment, why are you focusing on it? In the words of Eminem, "Snap back to reality, oops there goes gravity". Get out of your head and into the moment. Right now is all that really matters. Let the past be the past (you damn sure can't change it), and let the improbable future take care of itself when it comes (things won't likely play out how you imagine). For now, give yourself over fully to whatever is happening in your direct experience, right now. Embrace THIS MOMENT with your entire Being, from the sights, to the smells, to the feelings and sensations, and deal with your problem when it is time to.
Unplug: For goodness sake, turn off your friggin phone for a bit- WAIT!! Not now! Read this first and THEN turn off your phone. The interesting thing about our online lives is that due to algorithms and our inherent confirmation biases, we live in online echo chambers. If you're on your computer or phone watching videos or reading articles about things that are currently stressing you out, your phone is going to do a very good job of making sure that issue is in your face 24/7. I made the mistake of looking at 1 cat video, and my Youtube feed hasn't been right ever since. You would be amazed at how much clearer things are when you don't have the online personas of thousands of people filling your head with their thoughts. Get clear about what's yours and what's not yours. At this point in time, are you even aware of just how much of your mind is the result of things other people have told you? Take a break, I can promise you the Zombie Apocalypse won't happen in the 30 minutes you're away from your phone. If it does; you're better off grabbing some canned corn instead of seeing how the Kardashians are fairing through the ordeal.
Change Something: When the time for action arises, act on it. The world never changed by people thinking about how things should be done or what needs to change. It changed because people got off their butts and made some moves. If you remember nothing else from this post, remember this: You always have choices, even when it seems as if you don't. That fork in the road where you can go left or right, yep, you COULD choose to go straight through the sign, or do a U-turn, or drive in reverse, or get out of your car and lick the pavement. There is always, always, always something that you can do to improve the situation. So instead of complaining about how things are, do something to make your life a little easier. What that is, I don't know, but do something.
Relax: Remember that at the end of it all, we are finite beings having a finite experience on this Pale Blue Dot we call Earth. One day, you and everyone you have ever known and will ever know will die. All that remains between now and then is what you choose to do with your remaining time. Do you want to be stressed out all of the time, or do you want to get out of the mental grind and be a bit more carefree? Note that I didn't say careless, but carefree. Even if you have a million things to do, try approaching some things with a "F*ck It" mentality. Life is too freaking short, chill out. You're going to die one day, so why sweat the small stuff? Take a deep breath (again), relax a bit, pull up your pants, brush yourself off and make some changes happen, but only after you've Zen'd out for a second or two. Wanna learn how to do that better, give me a call.
Talk to Someone: Someone that will listen. Hopefully there is at least one person in your life that you can go to and feel safe enough around to express how you feel without fear of shame or ridicule. Don't be afraid to express yourself to those around you who want to listen. Often times simply saying something out loud to someone can give you more clarity than writing it in a journal or even hearing a response. When good friends listen and in turn share their own feelings and observations, growth is possible for all parties involved. I can't count the number of times a conversation with a co-worker has shifted the course of my day from a fumble to a touchdown. If there's no one to talk to about it; write about it, draw about it or talk to yourself. Get it out of your system and you'll notice your mind will be more at ease.