What You Can't See

Anxiety is a real thing, but nobody can see it; although everyone you speak to wants to fix it.

Nobody can see the coolness wash over the back of my left shoulder blade, wrapping itself around my chest and pressing deep with all its might until the coolness becomes a hot and stinging unbearable pain in the middle of my chest. My breath shortens and intensifies as my mind begins to cloud. All I can think to say to my panicking head is; “I am okay, I am safe, I can breathe (barely)”. I feel the coolness fill my nostrils and my chest as I breathe in; filling my lungs and feeling that burning sensation pull as my chest expands.

This happens within seconds, no warning, bang; it’s happening; while I’m turned towards the whiteboard for a brief moment while coaching, while I am sitting with friends eating a meal at a restaurant, while I am seated as a passenger in a vehicle or while I am preparing my bag to go to work... My anxiety is inconsistent; it does not always present itself in the same scenarios and situations and sometimes writing or even talking about it can trigger it.

Everybody wants to know (because they think it will help), “what causes it?” While I appreciate the sentiment – this does not serve me and may not serve your friends and family members who also struggle with anxiety. Rather “What do you need, or is there something I can do for you?” may be more helpful when one expresses feeling anxious.  Everybody is wired differently, therefore everyone will need something different, however, asking what causes it can further intensify those feelings of anxiousness as it keeps that person in that feeling of anxiety rather than moving forward.

If you want to help a person with anxiety, leave that curious detective work to the therapist, we know you care but your friend may instead need a hug, a rub on the back (if they respond well to physical touch) or they may need a moment and permission to step away from what they are doing or the environment they’re in to find some quiet space where they can breathe.

This is a brief glimpse into my experience with anxiety in its current state. Sometimes that cool and hot feeling, almost suffocating, stays for hours, and all I can do is hold space for it, accept it and let it be there; other times it leaves almost as quickly as it arrived; but those moments are rare.

I am curious, if you or someone you know suffers from anxiety, do you know what you need from them, alternatively, do those closest to you know what you need?